Young women who are sexually active are viewed negatively, while young men who are sexually active are viewed positively.
One of your classmates is sexually active. Big deal, right? Well, the way people treat this particular student may totally depend on whether they are a guy or a girl.
Think about it: if a guy sleeps with a lot of girls, then a whole lot of people say he's a "player" or a "stud." His friends are likely to respect him and want to be just like him — good with the ladies.
Now if this student is a girl, it's a completely different story. To a lot of people, she's a "slut," a "whore," or a "tramp."
Why would two people with the same sexual experiences be viewed so differently, just because of their gender? Ladies and gentlemen, meet the double standard.
What's a Double Standard?
The American Heritage Dictionary defines it as "a set of principles permitting greater opportunity or liberty to one than to another, esp. the granting of greater sexual freedom to men than to women."
In other words, young women who seem to be more sexual or sexually active are more likely to be viewed negatively, while young men who seem to be more sexual or sexually active are more likely to be viewed positively. It's all about appearances.
Since the 1960s, researchers have been studying how society accepts the double standard and how it affects the sexual experiences of men and women. For instance, men are socialized to view sex as a conquest — those who have more of them are more "manly." On the other hand, women are taught to limit their sexual encounters to one monogamous relationship. Not surprisingly, these two opposite views can create lots of tension and many misunderstandings between sex partners of different genders.
Words Really Do Hurt
The labels and social attitudes that come from the double standard can make teens feel terrible about their personal choices and how they appear to other people. Studies show that girls are more likely than boys to feel used and guilty after having sex — at the same time, guys are twice as likely as girls to feel more popular or good about themselves after sex.
Peers can reinforce these feelings by calling girls "sluts" and "hoes," making them feel that it's wrong or immoral for them to be sexy or sexually active — which is not true at all. Sex can be a wonderful experience between two people who are prepared and agree to it on their own terms — so why do girls so often feel bad about it? The answer is the double standard. It sets up a no-win situation for girls.
It dictates how women are supposed to behave in order to be "accepted." For instance, pop culture tells women that they need to be "sexy" so that men will find them attractive. However, if a woman dresses or acts sexy but doesn't want to have sex, then she is dressing like a "whore" and is called a "tease." Then, if she takes charge of her sex life and enjoys it, she's called "cheap" and "easy." Worse, she may even feel like that herself.
What's a Girl to Do?
With all the mixed messages out there, it's easy for teens to feel confused, frustrated, and even down on themselves. And it can be very hard to ignore the hurtful things people say. So we need a little protection!
First step: Protect ourselves. Don't buy into the double standard. We should all try to live our lives according to our own values and beliefs, based on what's important to us. We should try not to punish ourselves for not being like other people. We should try our best to ignore the nonsense about gender and sex that are all around us. Maybe even take a break from celebrity magazines and any other media that promotes the double standard.
Second step: Protect each other. We shouldn't support the double standard by making jokes and judgments about other people's sexuality or by calling them names — even when they are really jerks! And we can ask our friends to take it easy on other people if we hear them doing it.
Third step: Talk about it. We can get conversations and chats going about the double standard with friends of both sexes. We can start with asking questions like "Why is X okay for him but not for her?" "If she can't do X, then why can he?" Talking with friends about how lame it all is can be very satisfying. And it can help get us out from under the double standard, which is a good place to be.
Sexuality and relationship info you can trust from Planned Parenthood® Federation of America
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