“Where did I come from?” You were probably asking that question before you were knee-high to the family dog. But whether your parents gave you the straight dope or tried to sell you some kooky story about a cabbage patch, they probably had your best interests at heart.
Now that you’re a little older and wiser — and you’ve figured out that sex doesn’t have much to do with birds or bees — it’s a good time to be chatting even more with your folks about the subject. Your parents can answer questions and dispense great advice. Plus, sharing what you both know about sexuality can help strengthen trust and get the ‘rents involved in your life.
Sounds great, right? It can be. But sometimes even the best conversation can hit some snags. Check out these tips for smooth sailing whenever you’re ready to start talking “the talk.”
Getting Started
Let’s begin with the hardest part: getting the conversation started. It’s a good idea to talk about sex when you know your folks won’t be distracted. If they’re super-busy people, make an appointment with them for a night when you can “just hang out.” Think about which parent you’d feel most comfortable talking to, and ask your mom or dad for some time to talk.
When you’re ready, relax, take a deep breath, and start talking. Bring up the subject in a way that demonstrates you’re responsible and you value what your parents have to say. If you feel a little nervous, it’s OK to say so — you and your parents could be in the same boat. Here’s an example: “This feels weird for me to talk about, and it may be for you, too, but I want to ask you about [whatever].”
Melanie, a 16-year-old from Riverside, CA, said she asks her mom questions about sex when they watch TV together. “My mom and I watch all the same shows. We talk about the characters, what happens to them, and what’s going on in their sex lives,” she said.
Keep it Going
Now that the conversation’s rolling, that wasn’t so hard, right? Keep “the talk” on track not only by telling your folks, “Here’s what I want to know about sex,” but by asking, “What do you think I should know?” Let your parents know you’re listening to them by acknowledging what they’re saying — try repeating back a little bit of what you just heard before you say something new. For example: “You’re saying that age differences don’t matter as much when you get older? Well, one of my friends is dating a guy in college. … ”
Sometimes your folks might say things you don’t agree with. Even though you may not have the same values as your parents, it’s important to let them say their piece. If your mom and dad are much more conservative or liberal than you are, talking about hot issues could stir up a feisty debate. But keep in mind that sometimes people just have to agree to disagree. If you keep the conversation mature and caring, it could be a good thing even if you’re not on the exact same wavelength.
If “The Talk” Doesn’t Work …
Not all parents are in the groove when it comes to talking about sex. For example, Andrea, a 17-year-old from Burbank, CA, said her mom won’t have “the talk” at all. “When she found out I was a lesbian, she said I couldn’t have sex until I was 18! There’s not much to talk about, sex-wise, when you’re told you can’t have it,” she said.
If you know your parents are going to be outright hostile when it comes to talking about sex, it might be better to look for advice and information from another adult you can trust. Try talking to your aunt, grandfather, another relative, one of your friends’ parents, or your counselor at school. Good luck!
For related articles, check out: