Adoption: An Act of Love

For years, one of the biggest barriers to overcome in adoption was that birth parents could never see their child after she or he was placed. This is no longer the case. When a child is placed for adoption today, the birth parents and adoptive parents often make an agreement that they will share information, pictures, and visits with each other. This is called openness. Openness occurs in varying degrees depending on each situation, but some level of openness is almost always involved in today’s adoption plans.

In recent years, openness has allowed birth parents to come out of the shadows and to be recognized for the courageous gift they’ve given to both the adoptive parents and the child. Openness has also allowed birth parents to feel better about their decision because they get the chance to show the love they feel for that child in a physical and material way through letters, photographs, gifts, and visits.

The following is a letter written from a birth mother to the adoptive parents she chose. The two families are in an open relationship.

When I first found out I was pregnant, I wondered … why me? Why now? I was doing well in school, and my social life was at full force. My pregnancy angered and frustrated me. I knew that this meant that some of the things I enjoyed doing all of the time would have to be put on hold for a while. I knew that if I decided to raise my baby myself, returning to school would have to be put off for a while. I knew that the wonderful feeling of freedom I was experiencing would have to come to a stop. And being only 20 years old, I felt as though I was too young to have to give these things up.

Learning more about adoption and how it is an act of love comforted me and my family, but questions still arose in my mind. After thinking about it, I really understood that I couldn’t give my child the kind of life I wanted him or her to have, and I decided to place my baby for adoption.

I have told you both that I trust you to make decisions for this child’s life, and I do. He will have the best role models to follow in the two of you. I have been preparing for this day as much as one possibly can. And I am still unsure of what my feelings will be after today. One feeling I know will never change is being certain that this is the best decision for me and for my baby. I know that when I place this child into your arms and watch you walk away, his wonderful life will already be beginning. So, when we leave today there will be no need to say goodbye — we will see each other soon, and this child will have so many people to love him as the years go by. A beautiful future is waiting for all of us, and I am excited to share it with all of you.

With great love,
Sabrina

Today, Sabrina is achieving her goals and attending school. Her relationship with her son, Aaron, and his family is a very positive, open relationship. Sabrina is still coming to grips with what it means to be a birth parent and the losses that come with it, but more importantly, she is constantly reminded that she made the best decision for everyone when she decided to place her child for adoption. Here are her own reflections on what it means to be a birth parent:

My son was born on January 6, 2000. Even though it has been almost six months since that time, it still feels like yesterday. Although it was difficult for me to place my son with another family after “parenting” him for nine months in my womb, I’m still confident that it was the best decision for all of us.

The many pictures I receive from his adoptive family are wonderful. And when I hold him in my arms, change his diapers, feed him his cereal, and occasionally give him a bath, I know that these are the things that make being a birth parent so unique.

I’m sure many people look at me and wonder how I could have given up my child after carrying him to term. I wish people could understand how much strength and love it takes to make that decision. We birth parents are people who wanted more for our child than we could give, and we were strong enough and selfless enough to face that fact. We looked ahead to the future, and I’m sure for most birth parents being pregnant at this time of life was not exactly what we had dreamed of.

When I see him now with his new family, it cleanses me of my sadness. It makes me live one day at a time, doing the things that make me happy. Being a full-time student and working in the human service field are both things that are helping me to reach my goals. But the goal that’s most important to me is seeing my son happy. And knowing that my son will know who I am and that the reason he was placed with his family was because I loved him so much.

I’m thankful for so many things — my life, my family, my personality, my strength, and most importantly, my gift of a child given to two angels who will see to it that he grows into a man.